You would think 7 plus years into this, the first this and that stops. It doesn't ,today I realized it's another first. My 3 daughter's as they begin various years of their university degrees today is the last first day of school for all three at the same time. I remember when my oldest went to preschool and had her two younger sisters walking her, and then not wanting to leave because they would miss her. Today she begins her final year at University for her Tourism management degree. My fiery redhead is in her second to last year for her Business Administration degree and my youngest is not to be left out as she begins today on her journey to being a nurse. Yes, we had 3 children in 4 years, maybe not the easiest age spread but much easier as they got older. All attending the same University, none of their classes are close to one another but they may see each other passing on the very long set of stairs from one building to another.
All of this is without their father. I don't know if they are used to it ? I am not. I have a phenomenal partner who understands as he was widowed 5 years ago. He has his same firsts happening however somewhat different due to the age of his son and daughter whom are married with children.
So when do they stop ? I don't know, we still have University graduations, marriages,
babies, and on it goes. I believe children who have had a parent die at a young age develop different skills, it definitely makes a difference at which age. I see this with other widowed friends with children. With the younger ones it has to do with their development did they get shown or raised with the deceased parents skills, my two older did , their father passed along his cultural skills and they in turn had to teach their youngest sibling. He would be proud.
I also see the difference in the relationship my older 2 have with my partner. They remember so much of their father having spent time one on one learning from him. Our youngest hadn't reached that threshold yet. So did she miss out on some things yes, however her relationship with my partner is more parentish ? Not sure that's a word but it is now. The older two have an adult/friend relationship. They trust him completely and know if they need him he will do whatever it takes to help. My youngest has more of the entitlement piece children and parents have. She expects him to be there for her, which he is. Always.
Again it doesn't get easier it just gets different. I am such a different person since Godfrey died. I have grown I have left our home we built, moved to a new place, gone to and completed school, started a business. At times I know he's close , today I went to the ocean for a quick walk with my dog Taawla. She often walks behind me a little ways back as though he is beside her. She often looks up and wags her tail and so I believe he's there walking the beach with us as he and I did for 20 plus years.
I think its ok to feel whatever comes up when those Firsts happen, sometimes sadness, sometimes anger and sometimes its just pure pride as you see your children moving forward strong and resilient and you see their parent in them. It all continues to happen in this thing I call Life.
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