( Trigger warning, coarse language used, all views are my own, its the real deal )
These 3 are what pulled me out of bed every morning, to care for their needs to try and get through the endless days without their father. To find a way to process it myself and then try to explain to them. Looking back I was as lost as they were.
We have celebrated so many milestones without him physically here, going from elementary school to high school, 16th birthdays, drivers licenses, buying cars, graduating from high school, soon graduations from university. The new partners in their lives that have come and gone, it never ends, but I know with every fibre of my being he is watching over them and a very proud father. He called us his girls and from what people tell me most of his conversations started with a proud "My girls did this or that." I am also eternally grateful for the community that embraced me when he and I became a couple so many decades ago. This community held me up when I couldn't.
I was privileged to be born , live, play and raise my daughters on the unceded territory of the Haida Nation.
I also learnt from these beautiful humans what white privilege is. My girls are strong, vibrant, creative, generous Haida women. The best of me and their father.
When you fall in love with someone I wasn't thinking about what bringing Indigenous daughters into the world would mean. Now I see clearly they are the change. They proudly carry the strength, resilience and trauma from all their ancestors, mine included.
Their father taught them from a young age what it means to be Haida. This is not lost on me, all 3 are in University and have friends from other Nations and they say they feel bad that they don't have the connections and understanding of who they are. He showed them when people were ignorant , disrespectful or down right mean because of how they look to simply rise above and educate the person. They do this, they don't stoop to the insults.
They are much better at it then I. My inner Viking rises up and I want to shut the person down. Early in my parenting journey I had to prove more than once that my oldest daughter was mine, in fact being taken into another room at YVR to prove I hadn't taken her. The questions were insulting, at one point once they understood I didn't take her from anyone, they asked if I adopted her, that she didn't look FAS, but it was good of me to take her from a family that couldn't raise her. WTF, I was raging, I built this child and the other two. But this is stereo typical bullshit from years of atrocities put upon by other colonial governments deciding they know better. Unfortunately it still continues today. I have so many instances that I could fill many blogs post which I may do in the future.
When the Tk'emlups te Secwepemc released the information about the 215 children found at the Kamloops residential school grounds my soul felt punctured. These children that would have had full lives and helped build stronger Nations were erased. My daughters carry the DNA of this trauma, and I carry it in my soul. I also knew it was only the beginning more children will be found and brought to light. I can only hope that the next generations will do better.
My daughters simply because they are Indigenous carry a higher rate of abuse, victimization and death. This needs to change, more awareness is needed. The issues are complex and I believe we give the children the information they will do better. Secrets do not create a brighter future. Please take the time to educate yourself.
When purchasing or donating to these causes please be sure its a legitimate website as Indigenous artists have had their works taken and used for others profit.
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